Life of Bliss...

My life here in the US is not a life of bliss. Please don't get me wrong, I am not a desperate wife, nor a battered mom. Through my almost 7 years of living here it has been more of a struggle, a process of molding, changing, discipline and hard core training of my attitude, spiritual and emotional confrontation and dying to self. If all this dying to self contribute to slow physical death, I must be dead by now (which I sometimes think is the only way to escape).
I hope people (especially Filipinos) would change the way they think about other Filipinos who are living in the US. Like everyone else, we all have our own struggles here and a hundred times NO-we don't have a lot of money. People here work doubly hard to pay for insurance, gas, groceries, apartment rent or mortgage, taxes (lots of them!), and undending bills! On top of that, Filipinas who are married to Americans face loneliness, homesickness, trouble adjusting with the culture, sense of low self-esteem, loss of self-identity, and to those who were unfortunate to be married to jerks fall into slavery by working outside the home while their husbands sit on their fat keisters watching TV or playing their video games all day long.
Life is hard here in the US. And for people who think that life here is perfect, that is NOT true. There are some conveniences like the washer and dryer, dishwasher, car, aircondition, dedicated and always working internet service. But all of that cannot be compared to long chats with family and friends when you are feeling down, angry or simply chatty, constant visit to salons to have your hair relaxed and dyed, multiple yayas who would look after all your children, ever faithful Inday who would cook your food, wash your clothes and clean your house for you (so you would be free to chat with your friends). Those luxuries can only be enjoyed in our country, the Philippines. Where, despite the high crime rate and low wages, we can still feel safe and we can enjoy life's simple pleasures.
I am happy to have a family, a husband who loves me and a good provider, and two sweet and adorable kids (they have their moments too, of course!) But marriage and family is not all a life of sweet-nothings, love and fun. It requires discipline, HARDwork, self-denial, bite-your-tongue-deep-sigh patience, LOOOOONGsuffering...and the list goes on.  I thought my life here would just be a continuation of my life back home but it didn't turn quite they way I anticipated it to be. Instead of working in a corporation, my constant companions are the stove, pots and pans, dishes, toys scattered on the floor, floor begging to be swept, furnitures inviting to be dusted, clothes to be washed and folded, kids who want my attention and a husband who gets upset when I neglect to clean the house. It's been a change for me. And I would say it has not been easy for me not because I do not want a clean house and warm food on the table. It feels degrading and lonesome to do all the chores day in and day out and I feel I am not accomplishing anything. There's nobody there to help you or at least to share how you are feeling. I wish I was like my mother-in-law who would always tell me that she loved staying home with the kids when they were little. That's all she ever wanted-to be - a mom. She felt fulfilled that way. I wish I could say that it was the same for me. But it is not.