An Open Letter to God

Hi Lord. Thank you for this day. Thank you for my life and my family. I have many things to be thankful for. Like I have been here for almost 10 years now but I am not happy. I know a lot of people would love to be in my place and I feel guilty that I don’t feel happy here. I’m so sorry, Lord. Many times I feel like I’m in a cage here. Can’t go anywhere. And I don’t mean I can’t physically go somewhere because I have a car, I can drive and I have gas in my car. I’m stuck in a rut. I do the same things over and over again. Every. Single. Day.

I believe in creating opportunities for myself if I can’t find it. So I indulged myself in many things I can put my hands on. Mary Kay, ebay, scrapbooking. I was happy for a while. Then all of them became familiar and easy to do. I lost the excitement. So, I thought about enrolling at UP for a Master’s degree. I was excited. It’s been almost a year since I sent my application. I waited in anticipation for the day I was supposed to receive an email from UPOU saying I was accepted. It never came. Registration has already started but I can’t find my name on the list of accepted students. Two batches of names were posted, mine is not there. They say there might be another batch. That was the rumor. So I wait. Every. Single. Day. I’m still waiting. All this waiting is driving me crazy. Just when I thought I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel. The glimmer of hope is now fading…

Maybe I will never get a letter, maybe my application was denied and UPOU has no intention of telling me, maybe they did not receive my application, maybe I’m not supposed to go back to school anyway.

I know God, you are there. You love me and you want the best for me. But right now I feel that you are there in heaven watching me and you don’t even care. I’m stuck here and all I’m trying to do is to be productive and be happy. I know your word “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” How come these past few years I feel so abandoned by you? I try to seek you and ask for your help but you are so quiet. Don’t you care about me anymore? Am I asking for too much? Maybe you have other plans for me but you can’t tell me? I need you now Lord, more than ever. Friends here are scarce. I feel so alone. So, what am I supposed to do? How long am I supposed to wait for you to help me? Do I just give up?