It's 8:45pm. The kids are in bed. I'm left alone with a few dishes to clean and one exhausted body. Still got a few things to do before I can go to bed. I'm here in the corner of my kitchen wondering what I did the whole day to make me feel like a vegetable. I want to stay here in my little corner and curl up like a fetus to feel safe.
Michigan is a lonely place for me. Meaningful connection with other adults is close to impossible. The harshness of winter storm is detrimental both to human body and human soul. Explanation: just this morning I witnessed a van crash onto a tree and brought it to its side. It was snowing and the road was slippery. I am not used to driving in snow so I drove reeeeaaaallly slooooow. It's hard to see people around on a winter weather like this. Hence, no human interaction outside of your home (unless of course you are working out of the house). Oh, I did talk to Mikey's teacher and therapists this morning. I guess you can say it's some form of interaction.
I'm lonely and I'm tired. I want to feel that there is someone who is sharing the tiredness with me and in taking care of the kids. Like a husband-wife team taking care of the chores and the kids. Like a typical family - they eat together, laugh together, play together, breathe together. We don't have that. I wish we could have that togetherness. So I don't have to be all alone. Maybe someday.
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